Nothing else matters

my train experiences

2010-03-08T18:41:00.000-08:00

my train experiences

1st experience

8th march 2010, Monday

Very irritating leh if you have to keep being nudged at with various size elbows everytime you’re in the train!! Its even more irritating if the people around you are as inconsiderate and kiasu as the people outside the train! It’s not as if by pushing and nudging your hands around my bag can give you more space. It won’t kill you to say “ EXCUSE ME!” yeeeeessssh!!!

In a very odd way, I’m glad I brought my heavy bagpack along with me everyday to work, though it make me look like one overgrown school kid, I don’t quite care. I feel much safer when my bag is ‘covering’ my back because when ever those leechers or whoever tries to lean or rub against me, it’ll end up that they’re doing it against my bag. So it’s not as frustrating as it would have been if they were to really lean or pressed against my back!

And today was like what the..I was literally in another man’s arms thorought ¾ of my journey! Sheeessh! It felt akward because firstly, I was standing too close to his hand that was holding metal pole infront of me that any sudden jerk of the train would definitely end me up kissing his hand! Secondly for the fact that his left arms was stretch across me and that I had to keep moving into his arm due to the non stop pushing and tugging going on at every station! Seriously, if I was as fair as him and maybe looked less irritated, people would definitely thoughgt that we’re an item!! I was very uncomforatble with the smell, (I shall not say why) and of course the fact that I was being too close to him! And shit la, that * man kept leaning against my side, and made me move nearer and nearer to the guy that I was already standing too close to. It felt very very uncomfortable, and I knew he felt it too. At that point of time, I felt like swinging my bagpack across my side and just whack that * man! Like seriously! It’s very very irritating!! I let out quite a huge sigh of relieve when people started to alight the train evenly and that gave him a chance to slip away from me, what a huge relief! It was a double relief when I realised that my stop was just 2 stations away! So the moment to start being kan-chiong and kiasu began as I tried to squeeze my way through the tiny gaps in between passengers that was too eager trying to avoid the obvious fact that an overgrown school kid is trying to make her way out!

And to make things not as perfect as my usual morning should have been, my bus ride from the station to work wasn’t as pleasant as it should! My sami look alike did not board the same bus as me, and that kinda irritated me as I was sooo looking forward to that small over-crowded bus just so that I can look at that pure white face, with those lovely long eyelash protected by his framed glasses as he lowered his gaze and let himself lost in that small book he was engrossed reading. Argh!!

2nd Experience

9th March Tuesday

Ok so what is with the starring people? Do I look like some alien with a bagpack to you? Sheesshhhhhhh!!! It’s not as if my bag was giving you a problem or anything what..you’re standing either infront of me, at my side or just few feet away from me, so how can it possibly be my bagpack right??

Wa lao weii.. irritating la oi!..I’ll tell you how irritating it is/was/will be..

First it was that tall indian man who gave me a good stare/look (which ever that fits best) for 3-4 seconds before I decided to move up my eyes from the floor to look at what it is that he was starring at. It took him about 2 seconds to look away from my direction after that, and I was like huh? I’m sure I am not blocking your view considering you’re way towering most of the people in the cabin, and secondly, I’m not even standing anywhere near you, so why the stare dude? (well I guess this is not as extreme)

So for the second awkward starring incident, well as usual the train was sardinely packed with commuters, just like myself. So I was busy admiring the cabin’s floor trying to listen to the lyrics Sami was singing humbly to when suddenly came a non local lady pushing herself so that she can stand right infront of my nose. If my nose had been any longer and sharper, it would have definitely poked her scalp! So okay I decided to take one baby step back to give myself some space before I actually start breathing down her neck and probably annoy her. But suddenly, she leaned her back against my hand which was holding one of the metal poles, hmm. So as a reflex reaction, I let my hand go and hold the other ‘available’ pole beside it. To my horror, she looked back to face me, (I was as usual looking down, trying to avoid any eye contact with anyone) and gave me a good 3 seconds or more, stare!

Okay, so I felt uncomfortable as she did not move her body to indicate that she was done starring at whatever it is that caught her attention. So again,as I did before, I looked up to look at her, true enough, she was starring at me without any form of expression that could indicate why she was starring at me. After a few seconds later, she started to positioned herself away from me, to look straight to the door and continued to leaned against the pole.
Ok so I might have startled her when I moved my hand away too quickly when she leaned against it, but was it my fault that I did not sacrifice my hand for your own comfort? So is that why you thought I deserved that blank expressionless stare from you? hmmm

So right after the second incident, I learnt my lesson and turn my body away from her and everybody else that was on my left, to look at my right side, that was when the 3rd incident happened. (yes,how interesting, I know) I twisted my body a little bit to my right so that I could look at side without having to strain my neck throughout the journey. I was aware that there was a lady standing very close to me on my right, so which is why I had to make the extra effort to twist my body a little so it wouldn’t look like I was looking at her at all but actually looking just behind her, way behind her. So I was trying to find a fixed spot on the floor( yet again) to let my eyes land on when suddenly, again I realised that someone is starring at me. What the hell is wrong with everyone? I decided not to look up to meet her eyes as I got tired of having to look at them just so I can send that ‘universal-I –want- you- to- quit- starring- at- me’ sign. So I decided to scan the floor for some distraction. I kept looking on the floor, moving my eyes around when I realized that the starring had been going on for longer than it should have been. I started to feel quite annoyed so I decided to look at her. As expected, she looked directly into my eyes, like she’s expecting something to happen I think. I couldn’t remember how my expression was when I looked at her, but I know for sure I wasn’t smiling. As I looked at her, I noticed that she was scanning at my face and then she diverted her attention to that previous non local lady, and then starred right back at me. After starring at me for a few seconds, she decided to stop starring and turn her head to face the door, like any other normal commuters. And again, I felt soo lost, what did I do this time?

That was when I decided enough is enough. So I let myself got carried away by Sami’s soothing voice, not wanting to care about anything else and reach my station in one piece.

2010-02-19T04:21:00.000-08:00

why?
all i'm asking you is WHY?
you have no idea how many times i had to delete this sentence just so that i do not sound abusively vulgar..
soo many things whirling around my head.
have i not done enough?
have i not lied to myself and everyone enough?

please, if you feel like hiding something, make sure you hide it good.
don't let me find out like this..

ARGHH, you know what!

forget it.

i feel hurt okay.
really, you've hurt me.
congratulations for hurting me once more.

you have no idea.

there's is no point in faking anything.

no point lying, no point faking, no point in anything at all.

bye!

whoot

2010-01-20T06:12:00.000-08:00

alhamdulillah wa syukrirasulillah
everything seems to be less chaotic and i'm less stressed..

the "benjols" around my head are no longer fun to poke at..
its getting more irritating..

He acknowledged my existence!
:O
haha ok lame!

my laptop bag was drenched..
and wow, i saw lines on my laptop..
not a good sign..
definitely not a good sign..
HP, i'll be visiting you soon!

ok bye!

damn **** up system

2010-01-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

i'm really pissed with the system
they implement the oh so cathy schemes that attracted our attention and interest,only to scrape it off and implement new shitts..
arghhh..
i hate this!
and plus the module selection is seriously ****** up!
i know i can't play that "i can't be bothered" attitude anymore because it does!
i don't like making decision, especially when it concerns choosing btwn 2 ridiculous choices!!

i was deeply shaken..
i was shaking then, and i'm still shaking now..
you don't know what i feel..
for a moment, the thought of loosing him was like loosing part of myself
i know it sounds cliche'-ish..
but i dont know..it just felt that way..

i dont knw if those were meant for me, or it was just again; an accident
i don't know if it is just towards me or i'm just over reacting; as always
i don't know if it's a coincidence, or if its really a sign that i should be paying more attention to
i don't know if i can understand anything anymore, because now i know; i am not capable of understanding anything more than this
the way to distance whatever thing i have in me from myself, is by getting closer to you; which now seems soo impossible
damn everything i type down sound sooo frustratingly emo!

i still can't decide on anything..
but one thing for sure..
the one thing i really really knw for sure is that..
Sami yusuf's song can never fail to brighten my day..
:)
random i knw..

notice the color. PLEASE

awesomeee..
;)

awesome

2010-01-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

it's hard to believe the week is coming to an end..
and it has been almost a week since i started school after the 3 of weeks holiday..
time really really flies nowadays

haha, and guess what?
i saw Ramli Sarip..
haha, i know you guys probably have heard/read this already..
but i dont know why i feel very .. HYPED up!!
maybe because i got to see Papa Rock live yesterday at causeway point!! that too upclose! haha

i don't have any new year resolution or whatsoever..
but IF i did..
it would be..
to live each day better than yesterday.
Its a wasted day if i don't see any improvements in myself today from yesterday

and wow..
awkwardness was in the air..
but it's not because of he was in front of me..
it's not about him at all ..
but i don't know..

i've realized one beautiful fact..
if you have a bestfriend..
than you'll realize that your bestfriend is actually beautiful..
haven't you noticed it before?
when you see 2 best friends walking together..
and you can tell the other bestfriend is better looking than the other friend..
haha, but sometimes you cannot really make out which is more beautiful..
haha, what i'm saying is..
i dont know why, but i feel like a best friend complements you..
you may have beautiful eyes, but she may have the most beautiful and sincere smile..
you may be very outspoken and confident when you speak, but your bestfriend will always be the one that never fails to listen and supports you..
all this little things is what beautify that special thing you have with one another..

I'm blessed to have a beautiful bestfriend.
:)

and you guys must agree with me when i say;
Russian Roulette by Rihanna is awesomely nice!
okay i knw i'm abit late and slow
-__-'

"Russian roulette is a potentially lethal game of chance in which participants place a single round in a revolver, spin the cylinder, place the muzzle against their head and pull the trigger"

:)

2010-01-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

OH!
it's 19 july!!!
:D
never been this happy to receive July once again!

i realize i'm such a nuisance sometimes ..
those ard me are always troubled; by me..
i always trouble them..
somtimes i wonder if they know how embarassed i am to be facing them..
but i'm blessed to be surrounded by love.
blessed to be blessed with everything
:)
every little thing you do matters more to me now cause i know it's more than just lip service
it's more than what we can ever imgine
so i'm trying my best to savour each and every moment i spent with the people i call love(s)
more than i used to

to my friends;
wherever you are.
busy with work, projects, personal-social life, or just too busy tryna get busy.. :P
do remember that you do matter
and that you're not forgotten..
because FYI; you are part the big love!
:)

i was watching hancock (again)
i know its a corky movie to some..
but i love it somehow..
not only because i think Will Smith is a hot hunky hunk hunk man!!!
but also somehow i think the show is kinda well..sad..
i especially got a lil touchy at this one particular scene
where Hancock and ray and ray's 'wife' was at the restaurant..
than ray was telling hancock (upon hancock's request) on how they first met..
then you could see the sadness and loneliness in his eyes..
then hancock said he couldnt remember anything and that he was all alone in this world..
like sad right?
what's worst than being the only one of your kind is knowing that you lost the next most important thing in your life; the memories!!!!
"i know that i'm not the most charming person, but i must have been some kind of a scumbag.. no one claim me..no one" John hancock
can you imagine what he must have felt??
for the past 80 years ( oh yea he doesnt age, cool huh?) no one looked for him?? just imagine how he must have felt..
and when he finally found out that Ray's wife is actually his soulmate.. which means she's also a somewhat 'hero' like him..
He had to stay away from her in order for them to be alive!!
sad right??
you've been sooo alone and lost for years and years..
only to find out that the person that loves you and the only there for you, will have to stay away from you, forever!!
hahaha, okaay i should like stop talking about this!!

and something i thought i wana share..

when your girlfriend confess to you that your man is cheating or flirting around behing your back, you better realize that one of them is lying to you. This is when you realize that the world is too small for you to have it both ways. You better start realizing now, realize it quick, cause now, no one waits for nobody.

oh and welcome 2010.
just please don't remove the zeros!
:(

yo!

2009-12-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

i'm cravvviiingggggg for salaaaaaad!

i dont know why either..

maybe it's the once in a month hormone acting up thingy.

But its a good thing now that i'm craving for a salad instead of cheese fries, no?

arghhh, i hate myself for this.

i'm very sorry for avoiding, but i cannot come up with any excuse to give anymore.

i don't don't like you, nor do i enjoy avoiding..

it's just me, i'm sorry.

been sick for the past few days,

down with fever, flu, heaty throat, accute asthma, diarrhea and oh ya and not forgetting

dysmenorrhea plus amazing breakouts!! yeaaapp!

what could be worst right?

:)

had to give baminton, jog and gym a pass

:(

oh well, i better start being productive;

i better start doing what i'm supposed to do.

p/s: sorry to those who tried to get through me lately.. HP died on me and i was

quite unmotivated to charge it, (it's the dysmenorrhea syndrome!)

2009-12-24T19:25:00.000-08:00

i hate it when i have to find things out like this
last night was a real knock on my head

All this while, i thought you were telling the truth
You had us believe in your sad tales
You made me feel like you're always the victim of people misjudging you
I even stood by you when i know things was not going the right way

But now i've realized that you are one hell of a good LIAR!
PENIPU!
you've definitely proved me wrong.
You are very sly indeed.

I'm just lost
I really am..

whoot!

2009-12-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

i had a great time today!
though the movie princess and the frog was definitely a disappointment, other than that, everything else was awesome!
:)
thanks to them..
haha, even though almost every part of my body was aching and paining like maaadd, but it was worth the stretch and struggle! :P

i dont knw why, but i sense that you feel the need to get close to every guy ard..
well if it means that much to you..
have it all! :D
hahah, i really dont want to care at all..
actually i dont even know the purpose of me typing this part right here..haha
NONSENCE!

i must have been really repulsive in his eyes
i'm sorry.

i'm in the mood to play badminton!
:)

i aspire to change and be a better person, insyaAllah
and at the same time thanking ALLAH and His Rasul for everything that i am blessed with
Alhamdulillah wa syukrirasulillah
:)

muscle cramps!

2009-12-22T06:29:00.000-08:00

been a loong absence now :)

played badminton at tampines with my bros and sisters today..
awesome time!
they only booked the court from 9am-11am, but we dragged and played till 1.30!
hahaha, but i heard they had to pay extra, :(
then lepak session, cleared many stuffs
:)
such nice nice weather to zzz but alhamdulillah
but the funny thing was we gave cik haron a scare when we all recited
waman takun when we saw him!!
haha, *naseb baek tk kene heart attack!
hehehe

however, it was a turn off when we got nagged at for taking ablution at the prayer's corner..
what else would 6 grown pple do at the sink at the prayer's corner??
she accused us of playfully splashing water o the floor just so that she can't have her *just 5 minutes* rest!!
and to think it's one of your own people that kept complaining and nagging ar..
it's just a major turn off and total disappointment!
but bleargh,
oh! the cat at Tamp park was adorable! :) :)

school holidays are going to end like soon..

went shopping with ukhtina ana and bought us some kewl stuffs..
i finally bought myelf a backpack!
:)
and i thought i saw her blush when that guy ran and chase her down just so that he can return her 20cents!!
sweet right, soo amanah lor..
eheemm
*winks winks*

my allowance running dry..
and thats definitely not a good thing!
stop spending money la cn??

tomorrow badminton!! :D
then geylang!! :(((((

and freak laaa, my laptop suddenly got no more space!
need to go IT helpdesk agaainnzz

need to revise for UTS!

and and sis sahala lend me 2 books!!
i'm not going to mention the name of the book cause you guys will be like;
"wa lao, now then you start reading ar?"
hahahah
thank you sis!
8)

okay body aching all over!

i loike!

bye!

hohoho

2009-12-10T06:47:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah wa syukurirasulillah!!

i passed my pp! :)

pharmaco ut2 is soo over!

can relax a lil bit now since the hols are just around the corner..

i can sniff you already! heee!

and yay im happy because last tuesday and yesterday (thursday) i went to the gym!

hahaha, yess! after monthsss of absence!! haha

and insyaAllah this saturday jogging with them in the morning before heading of to

errm, not sure eh at where and for what with the family.. heh

oh and yeah, standard chartered was awesome!

we stayed awake from 11pm to 1pm the next day!

haha, awesome or what??
:)

and i must say, some of those caucasians and middle eastern-ers are very very friendly and warm!

hehh ;)

but of course there are just those who feel that its just too god damn painful to reply your smile

back.. but oh well, the rest of them was friendly enough..:)

and and my new obsession and craaaveee!!

DESIGUAL!!!

omg, they sell the most ridiculously awesome clothes laa!

i don't normally go gaga over all this kinda thing..

but this is a total exception yaw!!

i wana save $$$ and shop shop SHOP!!!

And today i met her, woohoo!

the laksa taste like -__-''

anywhooots!

omg, she got me hooked up to books!!

haha, ur fault la sis! haha

but i loike!!

nxt friday okay!!

:D :D

oh damn, i've been having creepy dreams..

creepy creepy weird weird very very weird weird!!

hahah, dreams are meant to entertain you in your sleep,

so hahaha!

i'm quite hyped up today,

i don't know why!!

hahahaha

okaayy, i guess i better start doing my rj and all

one more lesson to go and

hip hip Hooooraaayyy!!

heee!

2009-12-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

hahah, my 'addiction trick' to keep studying for pharmaco!
:P :P
i know, i know .. -____-'

and how time flies!
my pp is like finally over, alhamdulillah!!
:) :)

and alhamdulillah, standard chartered went awesomely well!
:)

will give more proper updates soooooon!

chiaozz!

wordy! but yeay!

2009-11-29T07:37:00.000-08:00

okay i had fun hanging out with them!
:)
hang out again okay!

random thoughts

its a nice feeling when;
you look out the window right after your prayers and you saw him waiting for you patiently outside the gate
its a nice feeling when;
you saw him walking down the stairs, smiling as he walked towards you
he stand right next to you, smile and constantly look at you for no particular reason
its just a nice feeling to have when you know someone is there..

i saw this couple while i was boarding the train home just now
they're not like the normal attention seeking couples who would smooch and hug and do things that would annoy normal commuters like me..
so the couple was standing in between cabins (the one with the grey metal plate on the flooe that gives you the surfing like feeling)
so anyways..
i find that couple very pleasant to look at..
they were like standing side by side..
they were talking and just looked at each other..
the one thing i like about them is that, they do not need to show to the public that they're an item or that they're in love..
you could tell from the way they looked at one another..
seriously, from the way they looked at each other, you could tell how much they love one another ar..its something you can't see much nowadays cause you'll probably be distracted by the physical 'hand-body' language they use

i've realized that my ego was ruining me for the past 20 years
and it will still continue to ruin me if i dont stop and do something
my praises and prayers for you

mom and dad will be home in a couple of hours!!
:) :)

nitez pple!

i've nth to write here

2009-11-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

have i not said enough?
where did i go wrong?
i really don't understand anything anymore
i meant every word, but you dont seem to care

i've given this quite a thought
maybe, just maybe..
you guys deserve better
maybe i'm not as good enough..
to those whom i've offended;
i'm sorry
to those whom i've neglected;
i'm sorry
it's your choice now
:)

bumping into you yesterday was a bummer!
yup!
i don't know if that was a sign or pure suay-ness!

oh a lighter note;
mom called earlier.
Alhamdulillah reached safely..
:))
Id Adha mubarak mak and abah!
:)

spent my time with sis fanah
:)
haha, had pasta maniaaaaa and boy it was filling!
finally had my salad..or should i say we! heh
case 39 is a real -________-!!!!
kept twisting and grabbing..and i did smth i shudnt have!
u knw i knw!
:P
and she said my dress was literally rolled up to my knee right after the show!
:P :P :P
thank you for ur time sis!

2009-11-22T03:37:00.000-08:00

fcuk!

thank you for everything

don't bother look me up

its really aggravating..

i have all these disappointments, anger and confusion in me..

but i just can't let it out..

it's fcuking hard to please you!

its fcuking hard to please anyone anymore!!

ya lah ya lah..

my fault!

everything my fault, okay?

happy?

good!

yaw

2009-11-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

okay UT 1 are over!!

yeayness

i knew i saw that long skirt at metro 2 days ago with them..

it was just one day after that when i went with her, it was like gone!!

like really GONE! or maybe they transferred it somewhere..

-____-''

i should drink more yoghurt and no stress..

riiiiiigghhhtt..

me drinking yoghurt and be stress free is something even i would like to look forward too..

but if that is what it takes for me to get better.

insyaAllah

you're in me :)

2009-11-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

PP assesment drawing near!
yikesss!
and UT schedules shucks big time!
the heat is on!
all the best peeps!

thank you ya Allah ya Rasulullah SAW
i've got my answer now
from the way the eyes was evidently lowered to avoid mine
thank you, alhamdulillah
let the tears roll down endlessly if that is what it takes for me to feel at ease

it's a nice feeling to finally be able to meet the person/pple you wanted to meet for a very very long while, it feels really nice

gym session starting soon
:)

all the best for UTs guys
:))

random

2009-11-13T05:01:00.000-08:00

Some updates while i was gone

Went to school with her and had breakfast! :)

catch up with her after a long time :))

she thought she 'saw' a cat in KFC! :P

we celebrated her birthday on wed!!

Happy 19th SAAAAAABB!!!

what we bought for her! SURPRISE!

some of those crazy peeps! :D

I miss this moment very much laarh!

I miss you peeps very very much! Hang out soon!!

i'm single but i miss you

hmm

tong seng!

2009-11-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

i went boogiess with them yesterday right after UT!
haha, its funny..
last wed right after Pharmaco UT we had paddle pop to so called 'celebrate' and yesterday after Legislation UT, we went boogiess..
and yussof kept asking if i was really following them
haha i know i dont follow you guys much la, no need for that remark! hahaha
ate at that forever talked about tong seng place..
haha, i just dont get it why people like that place soo much..
the food so-so la..
and yea sue, dee and yussof was sweating like really cause apparently they're conserving the air con and fan for something..hahah
and went shopping after that, saw a few things i like but i dont knw why i didnt buy them!
hahaha

haha, nas uploaded that fugly video..hahaha
haha, seriously man, i looked like ..
ermm..hahaha
but the memories babe, the memories..
and ur recent vid, thats really sweet..
yes how time flies
:)

i made my out when that sudden gush of fear rushed thru me as soon as the door started to close..
Thank you Ya Allah Ya Rasulallah SAW!

and to YOU;
**** you if you ever do that to me again!
it's pple like you ....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but deep down i'm scared ...

i lied.

2009-11-02T05:52:00.000-08:00

i lied.

I lied through my lips so that my heart will always stay true.

Forgive me for lying, and i know if you knew, you'd be hurt.

But believe me, i know this is the right option for me..

i can't believe the day just passed by.

the day i anticipated anxiously, fearing the worst..

it just flew past me..

thank you for your support and kind words..

Anything for you, everything for you.

i know this thing will not end here.

It will keep whirling around me till i say yes.

And i know you know how much i hate to say yes..

but i can see that you don't quite understand my reason for saying no.

I'm far from being arrogant..

Arrogance and ego is absolutely the contrary of what i'm feeling right now.

i dont know why i still keep it.

csi! :)

2009-10-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

something funny happened during our CSI ce activity...
s-1 was telling us about his 'love story' or going to be..
about how he met her and stuff when suddenly his phone rang..
so of course when we saw the way he answered the phone by lowering his tone of voice, we instantaneously concluded that it is the girl he was referring to that was calling him..
so we started to tease him but he kept giving us that cheeky weird smile..
s-1 : .....huh vivo? u wana go vivo?
the rest of us: wah, go vivo at this hr? wah go vivo sia *giving all those unnecessary comments
so when he was finally done with his call...
we asked: wah was that her? u guys going vivo ar.. *cheeky smile
s-1: that was my mum la..
and we all burst out laughing..
anti climax betol!
but nadh seemed to be really interested despite knwing that it was his mom dat called..
weird gal! hahhaha
it was something really really funny.. you had to be there..
i had fun playing CSI :)

and alhamdulillah, things are back to normal at home..
thank u sis sparing ur time to reply my sms..
:)
let sunday come, no point dragging it further..

and alhamdulillah,
abg aim is already happily married.
May Allah and His Rasul bless his new life and May he be happy with his wife in this world and hereafter! :)

:)

2009-10-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

been away for quite sometime
donated blood again on tues!
:)
but this time the nurse was rough;
and i got a purple bandage! :@

haha, i guess i shouldnt have refused the iron tablet cause i'm feeling groggy and cold!
i spend my evening sleeping yesterday.
right after maghrib i slept till about 10pm..
woke up to do my rj and slept again after solat ishak..
and still i feel lethargic..

it's 12.44pm, and i've finished my slides!
:D

i hope ira like the surprise we gave her on tues..
although the staff there was a bit weird..
why weird? because they actually asked the b'dae girl if she wanted to cut the cake at that point of time when she know it was supposed to be a secret!! hahaha, funny la..
and plus the extremely loud 'sumbang' birthday song they played.. ermm..haha!
happy 20th sis..
:)

the heart of a muslim does not lie
the love of a rijal does not quake!
:)

I miss your poems most.
Cause i know everything else was never mine to start with
:)

a day to never forget

2009-10-17T07:55:00.001-07:00

i won't forget today
i can't believe i almost :'(
yeap yeap!
you know what's terkilan?
yeap, that was the exact thing that i felt when you guys couldnt make it
i know, emo and pathetic huh?
i thought, ..naah nvm..
but i'm happy things turn out okay today, well mostly until ...

i dont like what i heard..
i'm not looking forward..
can i say no?
i wana say NO!!

you weren't there when i cried..
you did not say anything more to comfort or reassure me that things was going to be ok..
soo, what is there for me to say?
what is left for me to do?
maybe i'm overly sensitive..
sorry for expecting more than just one word reply..

i need to get a notebook
:)

2009-10-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

IF ..

the reason is always;

STRESS = SMOKING!

i shud have picked that up long time ago, right?

that is not the way, there are other ways you can relief yourself what..

like i said i will not understand nor will i wana try to understand..

but i won't respect you any lesser :)

thank you akhinas for your time yesterday!
fruitful way to end my thursday
:)

2009-10-14T20:37:00.001-07:00

after a long long time, i slept with mummy just 2 nights ago..
i felt safe and warm, just like a baby!
:P
and she went : "tak malu eh da 20 thn masih tido bawah ketiak mak?"
hehehe, no no! ur nvr too old!

this is very strange..
the ---- is slowly turning into ...
have you ever heard of this stupid phrase that goes
"when you ---- someone too much; when it crosses a certain limit, it will develop .."
see, its too silly to even finish it!
it's weird!
you entered my mind, and now i HAVE to see you..
it's WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was like 'wtf' kinda moment for me just now..haha
of course, that was just an expression; i won't go wtf for that..
ok that aside..
MOVE

i've to gather my thoughts all over again..
it's not easy

hope things turn out ok

2009-10-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday;
finally i had a chance to meet ukhtina fanah!
hehe, long time no see!
:)
and al fatihah to your late uncle..
May Allah and His Rasul bless him..

today;
apart from the rain,
dropped at the wrong bustop
ended up at old bidadari's cemetry..
felt tak terurus for some reason..
everything went well today..
:)
love the feeling, love ambience, love the people, love the big family!
all for the man who is the cause of all existence, Saiyidul Basyar SAW
:)
put aside our differences and ego, let's be happy together! :)
i've to learn to forgive and forget..smile from within!
it was extremely cute when they called the 'singles' on stage..
aww, we feel the love! :)

i'm happy that some of them actually remembered about the underwater world plan!
:D
insyaAllah soon k?
can't wait! can't wait!

a note;
i wish you can do the thinking for me
i don't want to have this weird feeling
it's wrong..
just do the thinking for me please!
it bothers me that the eyes doesnt set until you're in the picture..
it bothers me that i bothered to look..
it really bothers me now that i am bothered about this!
i won't know what to do now..
especially now..
just as i thought it was over..

let's stop right here.

2009-10-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

i can't believe that i had actually completed my stuff before 1pm..
and now i'm complaining to myself for not having anything to do till 2pm
humans! we're never satisfied with whatever we have!

i've been having really freaky weird dreams lately..
maybe it's the stress or the tiredness doing their thing, but like i said; its freaky!
i hate having dreams like that, cause it's not at all impossible to happen..
so that's why it's freaky!

i think it's a season of heartbreaks again..
my friends are all breaking up with their partners..
but the good thing is, i don't see no tears and no depressed mode..
i guess we've finally realize that infactuation and what we thought was love; just isn't enough to make us happy and complete..
i'm happy for my friends who are coping well..
for those who are in a denial stage (i know some of you are), please don't hold back your tears..
it's okay to cry, we all cry; sometimes...
if you feel it might affect your repo or ego, do it discreetly.
you need to let it out, let it all out..
but then again, if there is nothing for you to let it out..
than just move on lah kn?
:P

i really really wish i can have the power/authority to actually prohibit bike in Singapore!
really, look at the bike accident rate lately, look at the news! look around you!!
i know death is upredictable, but seriously people, once you're on the bike..its different!
drive a car, lorry, van, trishaw if you must..but no bikes..
:(

glad bro is feeling all better, kuddos!

i can't believe i just saw a disgusting sight!
seriously ladies, do you not know how to dispose your sanitary pads properly, hygenicly?
seriously, that is utter disgusting..or what those people would say "effing disgusting"
argh! i really pity the aunties who had to clean those nasty thing..
where the heck did your brains go when you did that ar?
argh!
disgusting! gotta get that image out now!

happy! :)

2009-10-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

i've finally deleted that blog which is full of nothing but lies and hatred and regret and stuff i should not be telling people..hah!
regret regret regret!

school's back again, and i'm feeling kinda neutral about it..
no nervousness
no 'hey you finish alr? my faci soo slow siaaa'
it's just mundane..

he asked me how long it will last..
how long will we pretend that the other party is invinsible..
and i jokingly said 'till the end of time'
but that made me think..
till when?
afterall, blood is infact thicker than water..
and that is definitely not what my Saiyidul Basyar SAW wants from me..
perhaps a smile next time?

i was amused by this sentence, phrase or quote..
i can't quite make it out..
The rich has got money
The poor needs money;
The rich needs nothing
The poor has nothing..

isnt it ironic..
haha, you're rich, but you need nothing..
do you get it? The rich needs something that the poor has!
i don't know if it makes sense when i typed it down,
but it made sense when i thought of it earlier on
we're all equal, its just how we look at things, aint it?

he said i'm very/too sensitive..
i agree, i am..
but after that awkward lunch we had..
i'll definitely look at things differently
she needs my strength and support more..
and i know you want me to change for the better..
and i will do that..
i'll be a more stronger and positive me, InsyaAllah